


Dealership

by x119



Category: Battle Royale - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, i dont trust like that, thanks eric andre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8638234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x119/pseuds/x119
Summary: Kazuo wants to buy a car. He goes to a dealership with Mitsuru.





	

Kazuo wanted a car. Okay, that’s kind of a big deal, right? Plus, they weren’t even of legal age to drive, and had never been behind the wheel of any vehicle whatsoever. Disregarding that fact entirely, Mitsuru agreed to Kazuo’s ridiculous plan to purchase one.

It wasn’t like Kazuo didn’t have the means to buy pretty much whatever he wanted – earlier, at the top-secret clubhouse, he miraculously pulled stacks of cash out from underneath the dumpster couch – but buying a car wasn’t conceivable for a few other reasons. Kazuo went over his plan once again with Mitsuru outside the dealership before they made their entrance.

“We’re going to do this together, Mitsuru,” Kazuo began to explain to his eager accomplice. “We have to disguise ourselves to appear older in order to successfully purchase a vehicle. I’ve come up with something quite ingenious.”

“I’m sure it is… igneous,” Mitsuru answered, watching dutifully as Kazuo pulled out the largest trench coat he had ever seen. He eyed the garment with suspicion, his walnut brain working overtime to attempt to figure out the master plan.

“I’m going to sit on your shoulders and we’ll wear this trench coat inside. That way, we’ll appear tall, like an adult,” Kazuo finished, already slipping off his uniform’s jacket and replacing it with the oversized coat. Mitsuru’s eyes widened in enlightenment as the realization of what was going on finally hit him.

“That’s so smart Boss!” He said excitedly as Kazuo finished buttoning up the top half of the coat. “This is just like in the fuckin’ movies.”

“Is it?” Kazuo quipped, his head cocked to one side. “I thought it was rather original.”

“Whatever you say, Boss,” Mitsuru said with a grin, giving Kazuo a quick thumbs up.

Kazuo signaled his readiness and Mitsuru crouched down, lifting Kazuo onto his shoulders as the curtains of brown fabric came to rest around him. He hastily did up the remaining buttons before making his way around the corner, wobbling unsteadily towards the entrance of the car dealership.

“Hello,” Kazuo said a little too loudly and robotically as the sliding glass doors opened. He had to bend his neck awkwardly not to hit himself on the ceiling as they went through the doorway, but otherwise their entrance was perfect.

No one in the dealership replied to Kazuo’s greeting. Scared customers stared up at the two of them, questioning their own sanity due to what they were witnessing. The employees were frozen in place, mouths agape with awe. Kazuo assumed this must have been because they looked extremely mature together as one very tall man.

“I would like to purchase a fine automobile,” Kazuo continued ever stoically, making no comment about the atmosphere. “May I speak to a salesperson?”

“No,” one of the employees suddenly piped up, drawing all manner of attention to himself from the various onlookers. “Actually, you should get out of here.”

“Surely, you can sell me an automobile,” Kazuo replied. “I am of legal age to drive and take out small loans.”

“Yeah, ok,” the employee spoke again, this time heading threateningly towards the pair of miscreants. “I’m gunna escort you guys out, so let’s just - “

“I don’t fuckin’ think so!” Mitsuru suddenly screamed from inside the trench coat, his fist bursting out from between the buttons and landing right on the unfortunate salesman’s nose. The loud crack of the punch combined with the screaming of obscenities echoed across the sales floor, garnering the attention of anyone who had been lucky enough to avoid the spectacle so far.

“That wasn’t part of the plan,” Kazuo rebuked, looking down at Mitsuru, who was now staring up at him with regret from between his leader’s legs.

“Uh, sorry, I was just tryin’ to be tough and I got carried away, I think,” Mitsuru mumbled, slightly frantic with the turn of events. “What do we do?!”

“We should go now,” Kazuo said simply, pointing towards the sliding door. Mitsuru nodded and turned on his heel just as a few security guards began to chase after him.

Running for his life, Mitsuru gave it all he could to reach the glass doors, colliding into them at the last second when they refused to open; they had been locked after the whole episode occurred to prevent their escape.

Mitsuru hit the glass and heard the familiar sound of his nose breaking against the door. Kazuo’s forehead thudded against the overhang on the ceiling at the same time, and they both fell on top of each other in a heap, blood and khaki mixing together on the sales floor.

As they were both being cuffed by the security guards, Kazuo turned to the employees, blood running down his face and one eye beginning to swell shut.

“So, when can I purchase that automobile?”

**Author's Note:**

> i LAUGHED THE WHOLE TIME


End file.
